10 questions to improve your relationship with money
A lot of our financial success depends on our behaviour.
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Dear Reader,
A helpful tool when we’re trying to improve our finances is to ask ourselves questions that push us to uncover our relationship with money.
This is important because so much of our financial success depends on our behaviour, not how smart we are, how much money we have or what investments we choose.
I’ve put together a list of 10 questions that you can ask yourself. I recommend grabbing a piece of paper and brainstorming what comes up for you or using a Google Doc to journal your responses.
I would probably spread this activity over a few weeks. It could feel like a lot to tackle it all at once, but it’s up to you!
#1) What was your experience with money like growing up?
Researchers have found that “individuals tend to carry beliefs about money and money skills learned in childhood into their adult lives”. Financial behaviour researchers Brad & Ted Klontz have hypothesised that money beliefs are:
(a) developed in childhood,
(b) often passed down from generation to generation in family systems,
(c) typically unconscious,
(d) contextually bound, and
(e) a factor that drives much of one’s financial behaviours.
Your money story matters. Spending time getting to know how you experienced money growing up and how it might be influencing you today will help you make better, more informed decisions.
Let’s spend some more time on this one, as I think it might just be the most impactful question on this list.
#2) Activity: your money story
I want you to spend 30 minutes with a cup of coffee and a notepad, writing down everything that you remember about your experience with money when you were growing up.
Were there special things you remember getting or experiencing, or do you remember always missing out?
Write about part-time jobs, purchases big and small, holidays, fights about money, after-school activities, your parents’ careers and finance experiences, pocket money – basically, anything that comes to mind.
You might rediscover some memories or feelings that you’d forgotten about.
Also, consider if you felt better or worse off than your classmates, friends and neighbours. Our feelings are often shaped by where we sit in comparison to those surrounding us.
Once you’ve let all these memories bubble to the surface, no matter how significant – or insignificant – they might seem, it’s time to look at your story as a whole.
Are there any insights or patterns that stand out to you? Could it be that your apprehensiveness to invest now is linked to a family member losing a sum of money early in your life? Maybe no one around you saved or set goals. Was wealth idealised in your household or frowned upon?
Can you see a pattern in the financial decisions you’ve made to date? Have a think about how your experiences might be shaping your current behaviour.
This is your money story. Understand it, but also know that you can change it. You’re in the driver’s seat for the next part of your journey.
#3) What does money mean to you? Do you view it as inherently good, bad or just a necessary tool?
Money means many different things, but understanding how you view it will go a long way in helping you understand your behaviour.
For example, you might view building wealth as something that’s ‘greedy’ or ‘shameful’, and it’s stopping you from taking the first step on your investing journey.
Instead, you could start considering the security you could give your family and the impact you could make on your community if you started to secure your financial future.
Knowing what money means to you, can help you to work on overcoming any blocks you have and reframing your money beliefs.
#4) What would you do if you were given $1,000,000?
This is a really interesting one to uncover your money values, goals, and perspective on wealth. Some people would just add some to their existing investment portfolio, while others would earmark some for family and charity. Maybe you’d buy a house, pay off your mortgage, or go on the trip of your lifetime with your best friends.
Play around with this by changing the dollar amounts to $1,000, $10,000 or $100,000.
#5) Looking back over the past year, what have been the most meaningful things that you’ve spent money on?
An activity I find useful for examining my priorities is writing a list of the ten things I spend the most money on (I typically look through the last three months’ transactions) and another of the ten things that I enjoy spending on the most.
You can then compare these two lists to see how well they align and determine whether you want to make changes in the way you spend your money.
This question goes to the heart of your values and what lights you up, and can be used to reorient your budget and spending to things that give you the biggest happiness boost.
#6) What amount of money in your savings account makes you feel like you can meet any life’s costs and expenses?
Best-selling finance author Morgan Housel (who wrote one of my faves, The Psychology of Money) said:
“The concept of "enough" money doesn't necessarily mean you have no aspirations for more. It means you realize that if your expectations grow faster than your income, you'll always be disappointed and taking too much risk.”
This question goes to the heart of our feelings of security and control regarding money. It’s worth writing this number down, as you might notice it grows as you build your wealth.
The feeling of having – and being – enough and being satisfied with your life and what you have is one of the most important things that money can’t buy.
#7) What fears do you have about money and investing?
Many of us have apprehensions, self-doubt or fears around money, and this can negatively impact the way we make financial decisions or hold us back from doing things that are good for our financial future (like paying off debt or investing for the first time).
What are the facts?
Many of our fears are based on feelings (or anecdotal experiences) and not facts. What is the worst-case scenario if you start investing? And what’s the actual likelihood of that fear being realised?
Do the research and find out.
Arming your brain with facts and figures can often give you the confidence you need to take the first step.
#8) What thoughts do you have about retirement?
Research shows that we have significant difficulty connecting with our future selves. This, in turn, makes it harder for us to delay immediate gratification and put money aside for future-focused goals like retirement.
Think about your future 10, 20 or even 50 years from now.
What will your financial position look like?
Is there anything you can do today to improve that?
#9) When did you last talk to someone about money?
Money conversations are important, and they can have a large impact on your overall happiness levels.
It can be difficult if you can’t share the highs and lows of your financial journey with those closest to you, especially when you need their support and encouragement along the way.
I can’t promise it’ll be easy at the start, but every money conversation you have helps you gain greater understanding and awareness of your own and others’ situations.
#10) Do you feel in control of your financial future?
This is a great question to ask to gauge how you’re feeling about your finances at the moment and whether there’s anything you need to add or change to your current financial plan to ensure a good position going forward.
✅ I’d love to know which questions stand out to you; let me know in the comments below.
Thanks for reading
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